Happy Easter (recap)

I feel like it's been much longer than a week and a half since Easter!  I think it's because last week was Spring Break and that threw us off our routine (that I love so much) and it just makes it seem like a long time ago.  Nonetheless, I wanted to share some pictures of my handsome men in their church attire.

The serious side.

The silly side.

The happy family - quite possibly one of the only decent family pics we have had lately!  We can thank Wes' iphone and Facebook loving sister for her mad camera skills :)

Wes and I - another rare shot that actually is decent!

Wes' family, his brother's son, and us.

All the kiddos.

And this shot cracked me up too much to not include.  I actually had to crop out Sawyer because he was on the move and was a blur.  This is what I was left with.  Doesn't it look like a Glamour Shot (or an Olan Mills picture for those of you from around here)?!

Thoughts

Although I'm not one for New Year's resolutions, I do like the idea of a new year representing a fresh start.  There are plenty of things I have to work on but focusing on the negative is something I'm trying to get past.  Lately I feel like my life is passing me by and I'm missing out on the joy.  I might have a full plate but it's up to me to make the most of it.  We're only here for a short time and I want it to be fun and meaningful.    

This quote from 320 Sycamore pretty much sums it up for me.

As I've mentioned before, I tend to be somewhat of a perfectionist.  That's good, but only to a point.  As one of my favorite authors (oh heck, it's the only author that I've read in the last 10 years!), Gretchen Rubin, so accurately said:

via

As I feel myself rush around from point A to point B, I want to be mindful.  I want to be mindful of the impact my self-inflicted stress is having on my family and myself.  I want to breathe into my heart and remind myself that it's okay if everything doesn't get done today, or get done exactly as I had it planned in my head.  I want to remind myself that my boys would rather have me than a professional meal.  I want to remind myself that my husband needs me to model patience and kindness so that he will want to mimic the same behavior.  I want to slow down and see things I've never seen before.  I want to allow my brain time to rest and not constantly be thinking of the next task.  Simply put, I want to bring the fun back into my life.
I know it's possible.  I know it's there.  I just have to dig it out of the corner, dust it off, and embrace it!  I am fun, darn it!  
So if you live around me, let's do something fun.  Let's do something for ourselves.  Let's do something with our kids.  Let's live it up!  

Soliciting Advice

How many times as a pregnant woman did I scoff at someone wanting to offer unsolicited advice?  Plenty.  But the advice for a soon-to-be-parent is what I call common sense.  Had I known then what I know now, I would have kindly requested they tailor their advice for a would be toddler or kindergartener.  As many of you can wholeheartedly appreciate, spending hours on end with these precious darlings can be, well, draining, both physically and mentally.  Some days seem to last an eternity when you're confined to 4 walls, 2 boisterous boys, and no planned activities. Enter last weekend.  After being woken by a crying, then screaming 2-year old at 5:45 (a.m.), the day did not start on the right foot.  By 9 a.m. I was pleading for mercy and had Wes trying to get me to leave the house and do something for me.  The next day was not much better and I was screaming for mercy by lunchtime.   Now the kids weren't particularly bad, nor were they angels by any stretch of the imagination, but they were clingy and needy.  Before lunchtime on Saturday, we had exhausted all of our usual indoor activities, and all Colin wanted to do was watch tv or play Lego Batman (the only game he owns and even that was against my will).  I felt like a bad parent because I couldn't think of some clever activity to do.  I didn't want to play with them, but I did want them to play (nicely) alone.  For whatever reason, that rarely happens.  I'm not sure if we've failed them as parents, but they don't just play!  Wes and I both recall from our youth that we played every waking minute of the day.  I used imaginative play and played restaurant, school, etc, while Wes played mainly outdoors with his cousins and brother.  How did we "learn" to do that?  I have no idea and that's what I'm struggling with now.  How can I teach my children to play - with each other, alone, anything?!  

So here are my questions for the better-than-me parents out there:   1)  Do your kids play by themselves or with siblings for periods longer than 5 minutes?  And do you have to play with them or are you able to get things done around the house? 2)  What are some ideas for indoor activities that I can utilize during those witching hours on the weekend?  We've fully exhausted coloring, although thankfully he (Colin) still enjoys it...if I do it with him!  Argh! 3)  Any ideas on how to encourage imaginative play?   Any advice or suggestions you have would be greatly appreciated.  Don't worry about offending or insulting me.  Any day that you feel like you need a stiff drink at 10 a.m. is not a banner day and does not need to be repeated.  Thank you in advance!

New Digs

For those of you reading this in through an RSS feed, you may not have noticed my new layout.  Thanks to the super talented, Melissa Rose, I have a whole new look!  I was the proud recipient of one of Melissa's generous giveaways on Noelle's blog, An Opera Singer in the Kitchen.  I have admired Melissa's templates for a while, but never got around to taking the plunge.  I couldn't be happier with the way it turned out!
I also took this opportunity to revisit the title of my blog.  Although this still represents a day in my life, I wanted something more original.  My clever husband came up with my new title, The Fresh Princess of Bon Air!  I had to be convinced at first because I wasn't sure I wanted our street name broadcast for the world to see, but he quickly reminded me that the internet already knows where we live (and my shoe size, blood type, bra size, ...).  
The name is a perfect fit for me being the only female in our house.  I also have a fantasy crush on Will Smith and have probably seen every episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.  Different from Will (yeah, we're on a first name basis), the "fresh" in my title refers to the type of food I prepare.  I wanted the title to reflect some aspect of my cooking and since we eat very little processed foods, "fresh" seemed like the perfect fit.   So there you have it, the meaning behind my new title, "The Fresh Princess of Bon Air."  If you haven't already, click over to see Melissa's great work!

Happiness Project Update

Well it's been 2 weeks in to my Happiness Project and I'm fairly pleased with my results.  I've definitely had some trying moments, but they are outweighed by the moments of breakthrough.  Let's revisit my first goal.
1 - Breathe - I put this one first for a reason.  I thought this was likely the root of all my parenting frustrations and for the most part, I was right.  If you want to learn more about yourself than you ever thought possible, become a parent!  Unfortunately for me, most of what I've discerned about myself are my negative traits and characteristics, but thankfully I'm willing to learn from my shortcomings and am willing to change (try to change!).  
I like to have control.  I like being the person with the answers.  I like when things go my way.  But katy bar the door if things don't go the way I intended.  I can literally feel the downward spiral effect taking place almost immediately.  I hate that feeling but until I learn to relinquish some control, allow for imperfections, and understand not everyone sees things the way I do, I'm going to continue to feel that negative feelings.  
So in addition to learning to breathe, I've learned that I need to stop focusing on the negative so much and turn those thoughts to the positive.  One of Gretchen's tricks that proved helpful to her and I've found useful as well is to rewind the negative thoughts that are on repeat in your mind and refocus your thoughts on something positive about that person or situation.  
A good example for me is with Colin's negative behavior towards Sawyer.  Sometimes he hits him for no apparent reason, takes a toy from him because he can, or can just be flat out rude to him with his words.  My normal reaction is to think "He's always so rough or mean to Sawyer" or "I've failed in my parenting techniques - just look how he's acting."  With Gretchen's advice, I am beginning to turn those thoughts around and now I think, "He's tired, this behavior is uncharacteristic for him, he loves his brother so much because he shows him how to do things, he hugs him, he plays with him, he shares with him, etc."  So far, it has helped.  It hasn't cured me, but baby steps are better than no steps at all!
Just this week both kids were clearly very tired.  I made the monumental mistake of choosing that night to try to teach Colin to tie his shoes.  Looking back now, could I have made a worse decision?!  Nonetheless, I began to teach him over, under, bunny ears, etc.  It wasn't long before I began seeing my own character flaws before my very eyes.  He lost his patience almost immediately because he didn't get it on the first try.  The tears welled up, the temper raged, and I knew right then we should call it quits.  He didn't want to accept failure (proud of that) and I was willing to patiently work with him as long as he wanted.  Minutes later he flung the shoe and I inhaled deeply.  My normal reaction would have been to demand that we stop right then, scold him for throwing the shoe, etc.  This time was different.  I was determined to keep my cool in order to set a better example for him.  Not only that, I didn't want this learning experience to be negative.  I wanted him to feel comfortable enough that we could pick up where we left off another day.  If I lost my cool now, he'd see my frustration and he would be less likely to want to repeat the process.  It took quite a bit of restraint on my part, but I was finally able to change the subject and get his mind off of his failed attempt.  
The next day, I had a genius plan, I'd ask his 9-year old cousin to teach him!  Not to shift my motherly duties, but kids often feel less intimidated by their peers.  My niece eagerly accepted her job and was excited to play teacher.  
If I had not embarked on this journey and didn't have the "breathe" tactic in mind, I surely would have overreacted, lost my cool, and regretted every bit of it 10 minutes later.  Wes praised me for my actions and to quote him exactly, he told me I was doing an "admirable job."  At that moment, I felt a huge sense of accomplishment.  I hadn't lost the control that I so desperately seek and I had turned a rough situation into a learning experience.  I was happy with the progress I had made.  

Less Complaining, More Cooperating

Positive Parenting Solutions is a newsletter I subscribe to that always seems to hit at the right times.  Whether I'm stuck in a parenting rut, have had it up to my eyeballs with discipline, or just need a reminder that I'm doing a good job, this newsletter seems to hit the spot.  
The current issue was too good not to share.  If you're a parent, you will surely appreciate the daily test of patience.  How many times do you have to tell your children to do something before they finally listen?  Do you feel like you're becoming Head Nag of Team Witch?  I sure do.  I'm anxious to try the helpful 5-steps they provide.  

Five steps for less complaining, more cooperating

We’ve all been there. You tell your kids to clean your room, and you can actually see their expressions glaze over. Remind Jacob to do his science homework, he rolls his eyes. Tell Emma to set the table, and the whining starts before you can hand her the forks.

You’re not alone if you find yourself wondering when your kids signed up for Testing Patience 101. But these misbehaviors aren’t something they picked up at school. Surprisingly, it’s our own habit of bossing our kids around that sometimes brings out frustrating actions on their part. After all, how would we respond if we had someone following us around and telling us what to do all the time?

While there are times when our kids just need to be told what to do, there is also a direct link between the amount of ordering, directing, or correcting we do and the amount of misbehavior we get. From toddler to teen, children are hard-wired with a need for independence. As a result, our well-intentioned reminders and instructions garner natural pushback as our kids attempt to retain their autonomy. The result is an unwanted power struggle between parent and child.

So what is the alternative? After all, the homework has to get done, and our kids need to learn to help out around the house. The five strategies below are designed to help eliminate the complaining and jumpstart cooperation.

Create routines for tasks that occur daily or weekly. Then stick to them. If Jacob knows that his homework must be done each night before he can play video games or watch his favorite TV show, you won’t need to give him a daily reminder.

Change your phrase by asking questions instead of giving directions. Replace “don’t forget to start your book report!” with “which book did you choose for your report?” Making the switch to a question prompts your child to think through her answer, and it also shows that you trust in her to have taken the action on her own. If she hasn’t actually started yet, it also gives her the opportunity to quickly develop a plan. Regardless of her response, you achieve the peace of mind that she is completing her report without robbing her of her independence.

Consider cooperation instead of directing, reminding, or correcting. Rather than simply telling Emma to set the table – which would be about as productive as asking the table to set itself – include her in the decision process by suggesting the action and explaining why it would be helpful. Try something such as “Emma, dinner is taking longer than expected to make. It would be a big help if you could set the table.” While this strategy might not lead to instant cooperation on their part, your kids will soon begin responding positively as you change from commands to language that supports their need for autonomy.

Clarify the consequences of your child not completing an assigned chore or task. This acknowledges that you can’t force your kids to do something, but that you can control how you respond to their action or lack thereof. Begin by deciding and explaining to them what you as the parent are going to do. For example, tell your children that you will do laundry on Mondays. If their clothes aren’t in the hamper, they will have to either wash the clothes themselves or wait for the next laundry day. If Monday comes and Ava’s smelly gym clothes are in her backpack instead of the hamper, you can bet that once she discovers her mistake just before gym glass, she’ll get it right next time.

Choose to smile as you incorporate these techniques. Even if you have to fake it, smiling changes communication completely: smiling while talking leads to calmer tone of voice and decreases the likelihood your statement will be received as a command. Need help remembering to plaster on a grin? Add a smiley face note to your mirror, the fridge, your dashboard – anywhere you’re likely to face a power struggle. You’ll be surprised how quickly this little technique improves cooperation within your family!

Changing our own behavior is the most important step in putting an end to our kids’ misbehavior. By following these five strategies, you will see fewer power struggles in your home – and that means less eye rolling, whining, and tantrums. Instead, you’ll find more cooperative kids who might even surprise you by lending a hand without being asked!

Looking for even more strategies to get kids to cooperate without nagging, reminding or yelling? Join us for a free webinar on Sunday, October 14 at 9 PM Eastern.

Click here for more information.

Fearrington Inn

I don't recall the year, but the memories will never fade from the first time my mom introduced me to Fearrington Inn, in Pittsboro, NC.  I believe I was in high school and how she discovered this luxurious Bed and Breakfast is beyond me, but I'm so glad that she did.  

Years have passed (more than I care to count) since then but it's always been in the back of my mind that I'd like to take Wes there someday.  Thanks to the generosity of my Mother,  I was thrilled to finally get the chance to share this little piece of heaven on earth with Wes.  

Upon entering the Inn from the road, you are greeted with their famous "belted" cows.  I wondered if the images I had stored in my head would match the way the grounds actually were and my memory served me pretty well.  

The farm part of the estate is the first thing you see, but hidden in the lush greenery you'll find The Fearrington House Restaurant.  They bill themselves to be "one of the south's most venerable farm-to-fork restaurants" and I couldn't agree more.  They are the only AAA 5-diamond restaurant to be Green Certified and are ranked in the top 50 U.S. restaurants according to OpenTable.  The food at the restaurant is sublime and deserves a post of it's own another time.

In addition to the restaurant, they have a quaint village of a couple of smaller restaurants, a bookstore, a home interior store, and a spa.  Each are beautifully maintained and are reminiscent of an old-fashioned small town.

Perhaps one of the most vivid recollections I have about this place are the grounds.  I remember thinking that one day I'd have a flower garden similar to theirs, but alas, I've lived in my own house for 11 years and I've had dead shrubs in my front yard since July!  This trip just revived that desire and I've already started researching various plants for our area.

As if all of that isn't enough, their accommodations exude romance and country elegance.  From heated towel racks, to evening port and house-made truffles, to Egyptian cotton linens, and plush bathrobes, not a single detail has been overlooked.

The courtyard leading up to our room.

As a breakfast lover, the real creme de la creme for me is the complimentary breakfast that is served each morning.  Served in the side porch area of the Inn, the dose of sun provides a magnificent start to the day, not to mention the tremendous breakfast fare that is served!

As we exited down the long road, I found myself already planning our next trip.  Hopefully we won't let quite as many years lapse as I did between high school and now!

Still Alive

Remember me?  Remember these guys?

Getaways are nice and all, but I find myself backpedaling for the next week or so trying to catch back up (including, but not limited to, haircuts for my children!).  I have a big project planned for myself that I plan to share with you and I hope to make that big reveal soon.  There are also stories from our trip, including a big milestone for me that involved a few tears, frustration, and success.  I also have lots of gorgeous pictures to share and mouth-watering cuisine from our 5-star dining experience.  So stay tuned and I'll be back shortly.

Oh what a night!

I know I'm not the only mother who has stressful days.  I'm not the first or last one to eagerly put the kids to bed so I can enjoy a few minutes of peace and quiet.  I'm not the only one who has fits of frustration and acts out irrationally, only to have regrets later.  I'm not the only mom to feel guilty that I work and that I'm not home with fresh baked cookies waiting on the children when they get home from school.  And I'm certainly not the only imperfect mom.   Even though I know these things, I still make mistakes daily.  I still have moments where I wonder what the heck I'm doing wrong and wish Nanny 911 would come and solve my life's problems.  Even though I know I'm imperfect, I still strive for perfection.  I think it's possible to strive towards perfection, but I'm here to tell you, I don't think it's attainable in the current world. I wanted to share an excerpt of a somewhat typical night at our house.  Not all nights are this chaotic, but there are far more than I'd like.  I share to give you hope that you're not alone, but also to seek advice to see if there's something blatant that I'm missing that could make our routine smoother.   From an email to an understanding friend:

Last night felt like Grand Central Station at our house.  When I drove up, Colin was waiting for me outside with a couple of tomatoes and immediately started in asking about his garden, if the tomatoes were ready, can we pull up the dead cucumber plant, why do the bugs like the plants so much, etc.  I managed to answer all of his questions – even in a rather peaceful manner.  Then I go to the door and Sawyer and Wes are sitting right inside the door, tying Sawyer’s tennis shoes (which are new to him and are practically impossible to remove from his body without him throwing a conniption).  Apparently Sawyer wanted to go out to meet me too.  So he was none too pleased that I was already in the house and he hadn’t gotten to go out.  He begins to wail.  Wes immediately launches into telling me about Colin’s homework assignment that is due in 2 days and that he can't believe they didn't give us more time, blah, blah – all on top of Colin’s incessant tomato talk and Sawyer’s wailing.  Great, I’ve been home 2 minutes and I already want to pull my hair out!

The fun only continued from there.  I began to cook dinner, while Wes “worked” with his stuff spread out all over the kitchen island.  Colin was still babbling and both he and Sawyer wanted to “help” me cook dinner.  Colin was talking a mile a minute and I could not even think what my name was.  Somehow, Wes was managing to actually work?  The boys are moving chairs, cutting with plastic knives, washing vegetables, all within a 5-foot radius of me (and on me)!  I somehow still managed to keep it together and get dinner on the table.  At one point I did tell Wes, “In case you ever wonder why I’m harried when you get home, here’s your answer!”

So we eat dinner and then I delve into Colin’s homework assignment.  At first I didn’t think it was a big deal that it was due in 2 days, that is until I realized he had soccer practice the next night and that only left tonight to get it done.  Well by this point, Sawyer was an absolute mess because he was worn out from his first day at school.  He was crying at my feet, I was trying to read the directions out loud, and Colin was practically doing a handstand in his chair.  Wes was doing dishes for a while and then standing across the island just watching, somehow tuning out the melee that was ensuing.  I bend down to get Sawyer and he’s just like a wet noodle, he’s so tired.  The smart thing to do would have been to stop then and there and put Sawyer to bed but I already had my eye on the prize and I was going to tackle this “project” right then.  Somewhere in the mix, Sawyer accidentally scratches my incision (another story) and I nearly fell out of my chair.  I put him down and am trying to keep my screeching to a minimum.  Well he starts screaming a) that I put him down and b) because he hurt me.  Wes finally picks him up and manages to come up with the idea that he’s tired and should go on to bed.  Hey, great idea!  After more wailing and consoling, Wes gets his milk ready and they’re off upstairs.

Well in the meantime I have come unglued and am totally frustrated with Colin because he’s not listening as I read the directions.  I stop and tell him that I’ll continue when he’s ready to listen because I’m only reading them once.  He finally settles down and we’re able to complete his family tree.  It was supposed to be something that the whole family participated in.  Yes, we sure did!  Not exactly in the manor they probably intended, but we were all present and accounted for. 

Of course after the boys were in bed, the guilty feelings took over and I began to relive the whole process and dissect how and what I should have done differently.  Short of a miracle, I’m not sure I could have done anything different.  What I learned is that we’re going to have to come up with a better way of doing homework, lest I lose every ounce of my patience and sanity.  Just another reminder that there aren’t enough hours in the day!  

  **FYI Friday will return to it's regularly scheduled programming next week.  Pinky swear!

First Day

This week marked a very important, yet sad milestone for us.  Sawyer started "school."  I've never really had an issue with being done having kids.  I feel incredibly blessed that I've been given the 2 darlings that I have, but I've always been content with 2.  Lately, however, I've been feeling a few more tugs at the old heart strings when I look at little Sawyer biscuit.  I find myself rocking him a little longer as I give him his nightly milk, squeezing him a little tighter before I put him to bed, and just trying to soak up every breath of that adorable high-pitched squeaky voice.  Knowing he's our last baby has made me really appreciate the fact that once he graduates from certain milestones, I likely won't be experiencing them again until perhaps my grandchildren.  
Wes has decided he needs to actually go into the office 4, maybe 5, days a week.  He had been working from home a couple days a week and kept Sawyer on those days.  It was an incredible opportunity for him to him to bond with the boys (he's done it since Colin was a baby) and the boys loved getting to stay home with Daddy.  He was also a tremendous help to me, as he ran errands, did the grocery shopping, and was available to drop off/pick up the kids from various places.  

I knew the time would come when he'd need to work more and I truly hated to see him having to occupy his nights and weekends doing work he could have done during normal business hours during the week.  We knew Sawyer was getting to the age where he needed social interaction with children his own age, so he could learn important fundamentals...like sharing!  He has had a few sitters and been to the nursery at church, but other than my mom, he had a very small network of social interactions.

The timing has worked out nearly perfectly, as the daycare right in our backyard had one part-time opening available.  This was huge because they have a waiting list of 50-60 children at all times.  If any part of this process was easy, this was it.  It was obviously meant to be for him to attend this school.  Wes and I have heard nothing but wonderful things about this school and that made the transition that much easier.

I began "prepping" Sawyer about school this weekend and he seemed very excited.  I told him it was his school and he nodded in agreement.  He went on to say, "Saw-Saw's school.  Not Bubby's, not Mommy's, not Daddy's, but Saw-Saw's."  I heard this no less than 20 times, so I felt my work was done.

The morning of, he was still raring to go.  I was afraid that would come to a screeching halt once we got to school but he proved me wrong.  One thing about that works in my favor with Sawyer is that if he hears another child crying, he won't cry.  We walked into a room of crying kids, so I knew I was safe!  Sure enough, his little lip did quiver when I left, but no tears.  At least not from him.  I was more relieved than anything else that I didn't have to see or hear him cry, so I think that helped distract me from getting emotional.  Wes felt sad and somewhat guilty about it all but we both know this is for the best and it won't be the last hard parenting decision we'll have to make.  It sure makes it easier knowing he was okay and that he has already adapted.

His teacher gave him a glowing report and said that no tears were shed.  She sang his praises loudly.  Sawyer was still very excited to see Daddy when he went to pick him up though.  Wes said they were just all sitting in a circle and Sawyer was just smiling away at something.  When he saw Wes, he jolted up and ran to him.  What a wonderful feeling!

Our first day of school photo shoot.  The shoes were a must.  Those are his new-to-him-shoes that he has only taken off to sleep.  He was a tad more receptive to the shoot than big brother.

Looking to Daddy for instruction.

Take your thumb out of your mouth.

Look at Mommy.

Smile.

Sometimes you have to be patient to be successful!

The First Day of School

I wasn't really sure what to expect, emotionally, on Colin's first day of Kindergarten.  He has gone to a couple of different "schools" up until this point, as well as several summer camps, so I wasn't new to the drop off process.  Wes and I were pretty sure we wouldn't be blubbering messes like the first time we left him at Mom's Day Out when he was 15 months old, but we figured there would surely be some emotions flowing.  

Colin gets his emotion-hiding honestly.  Both Wes and I are pretty hard to read.  It's not necessarily intentional on my part and I think it's part of Wes' defense mechanism.  It's hard to get much out of Colin in terms of his feelings.  As we entered the gym where all the kids were (the ENTIRE school), I could feel his little hand tightening the grip on my hand.  That tug at my heart strings a little but when I asked him if he was scared he quickly told me "no" and then looked at me like I was crazy.  He just sat down, surrounded by 20 kids he had never met or even seen before.  His teacher guarded over the kids like they were her little chicks and she was the mother hen.  

I scurried upstairs to get some pictures from his classroom and then we were able to catch a peek as the masses disassembled to their various classrooms.  My little handsome, uniform-wearing, boy filed in line behind his classmates and 5 years flashed before my eyes.  I managed to hold back the tears but I was also beaming with pride.  I was amazed how quickly he adjusted and how seemingly unphased he was by the whole experience.  As one of my dear friends reminds me often, kids are adaptable.  Yes, I guess they are.

Blueberry Patch

As I mentioned in a previous post, the Blueberry Festival has become an annual event in our house.  This year, we decided to get there as early as possible to try to beat the heat.  No such luck in that regard but we were able to snag some pretty good berries because we were some of the first to pick!  If you've never experienced fresh blueberries from the vine/bush, you are missing out.  As Wes said, "Now this is how blueberries should taste!"  I couldn't agree more!   Here we are about to set off on our exploration.  Please note, it is not easy to push or pull 65+ pounds in a wagon, uphill.  

Let me show you how to do it, Bubby.

Colin learned from last year and now understands that we only want the blue ones, not the green ones.  So he studied each one before it made it to the bucket.

Others are still learning.

But he still had fun.

We're already looking forward to next season!