Another Valentine's Day has come and gone. Colin's dresser drawer is stuffed to the brim with paper valentines that he insists on keeping. Every one of them. Wes proved that he knows me well when he said he didn't buy a card because they're a waste of money. Then he felt guilty when I asked him if he found mine. What card? The one I secretly placed in your bag this morning? Didn't see it. So much for a surprise. Never fear, the card was free from Tiny Prints. For me to use my freebie on you, you must be pretty special.
After spending 2.5 seconds looking for the heart-shaped cookie cutter in the playroom, Colin resurfaced to inform me he couldn't find it. Geez, thanks for the effort, son. Not being one to let anything (anything!) go, I later went up to surely find it. On my way, a detour to find the unnervingly quiet Colin in his room. He was standing mysteriously, about to come out of his room. He had just shoved all 487 of his Valentine's so tightly in his drawer that I had to spend the next 2 minutes trying to pry it open. Seems harmless. Until I discovered sugar overload had also been shoved into said drawer. Parents, why must you inflict pain on other unsuspecting parents and attach sugar poison to every valentine? What's wrong with a good old tattoo? Sure it may take a solid 2 weeks to wash off but think of it as the gift that keeps on giving, without the hyperactivity. I should know, Colin looks like Jesse James with all the ink up and down his arms. Back to the sugar rush. I asked Colin if he had eaten any of the candy. He assured me he had not. I should have known after I found the trail of KitKats up the stairs not to trust him. I had more important things on my mind, that heart cookie cutter!
I begin my archeological dig through the heaps of toys that Colin has shoved into every nook and cranny in the room. Not 1 minute into my search, I hear Colin tell Sawyer he's not supposed to have that. I ignore his bossy ways the first time but then I turn to see what he has. Oh it's just 2 huge shards of broken glass. As I quickly freak, I instruct a 4-year old to take an 18-month old out in the hallway any way that he can get him out there. That was a good idea. Now I have a child with a dislocated shoulder because his brother pretended he was a rag doll. Sawyer's bawling, Colin's coddling, and I'm trying to avoid a trip to the ER as I pick up the glass. Of course the picture had to have the largest surface area of any picture in our entire house, but thankfully the glass broke in large pieces. I examine Sawyer for blood to determine if the blood curdling cries are from pain or torture and abort my mission to return all parties to the kitchen, out of harms way.
Sadly, our grilled cheese sandwiches had to be eaten as boring old rectangles. We did have some delicious Kenny's cheese on them but imagine how much better they would have been as hearts. There's always next year...at least for some of us.
Later that night, Wes was just about to take his turn reading to Colin when Sawyer opened a drawer in Colin's desk. I lost my breath for moment when I discovered...an empty candy wrapper! He admitted he had eaten it before dinner, as in right before he bold face lied to me about not eating anything. Oh momma was mad. No books from Daddy and no desserts for the rest of the week. Normally the waterworks would have ensued but I think he knew there was no hope of getting out of this one. Wes summed it up by telling him, "Buddy, you don't mess with Mommy."
Tattoos wouldn't have done that. Your welcome fellow parents that I didn't inflict the sugar coma on you.
Up next, my Valentine's meal from my Valentine, with a much happier ending.