30 Days of Thankfulness

Someone started this idea on Facebook several years ago and I loved it!  I love dedicating an entire month to thinking about what you are truly grateful for.  It encourages you to appreciate the things that we take for granted on a daily basis and to be thankful for them.  Sometimes the littlest things really do mean the most.  I want to dig deep and really find the things that make a difference in my day and life.  I should do this every day, but alas, I'm not perfect and an entire month is a good place to start.  This is the November part of my own Happiness Project that I started last month.  

As I approached my car yesterday evening in my work garage, I began to think of where I was headed next.  A women's mind rarely focuses on the present, but rather what's happening next.  It's really a downfall in our DNA but it does help us to stay on track and stay 2 steps ahead.  But I digress.  I knew my next step was to go pick up Colin from school.  That led to a series of thoughts, one of which was, "Do I have his car seat?"  We only have 1 car seat for each child and we rotate them between cars as needed.  When I say "we," I really mean Wes.  At that moment, I smiled and said a silent "thank you" to Wes because that's one thing I rarely have to even think about, without questioning, prodding, or complaining, he rotates Colin's seat in and out of the cars so that I always have it when I need it.  Having one less thing to think about in the morning is fantastic!  I made a mental note to thank Wes when I saw him, so that he knew I really do appreciate it.  
I don't want to take things for granted, but I do.  This month I hope to notice more, give thanks, and praise as much as I can.  I'd like to encourage you to do the same.  What about you, what are you thankful for?

Happiness Project Update

Well it's been 2 weeks in to my Happiness Project and I'm fairly pleased with my results.  I've definitely had some trying moments, but they are outweighed by the moments of breakthrough.  Let's revisit my first goal.
1 - Breathe - I put this one first for a reason.  I thought this was likely the root of all my parenting frustrations and for the most part, I was right.  If you want to learn more about yourself than you ever thought possible, become a parent!  Unfortunately for me, most of what I've discerned about myself are my negative traits and characteristics, but thankfully I'm willing to learn from my shortcomings and am willing to change (try to change!).  
I like to have control.  I like being the person with the answers.  I like when things go my way.  But katy bar the door if things don't go the way I intended.  I can literally feel the downward spiral effect taking place almost immediately.  I hate that feeling but until I learn to relinquish some control, allow for imperfections, and understand not everyone sees things the way I do, I'm going to continue to feel that negative feelings.  
So in addition to learning to breathe, I've learned that I need to stop focusing on the negative so much and turn those thoughts to the positive.  One of Gretchen's tricks that proved helpful to her and I've found useful as well is to rewind the negative thoughts that are on repeat in your mind and refocus your thoughts on something positive about that person or situation.  
A good example for me is with Colin's negative behavior towards Sawyer.  Sometimes he hits him for no apparent reason, takes a toy from him because he can, or can just be flat out rude to him with his words.  My normal reaction is to think "He's always so rough or mean to Sawyer" or "I've failed in my parenting techniques - just look how he's acting."  With Gretchen's advice, I am beginning to turn those thoughts around and now I think, "He's tired, this behavior is uncharacteristic for him, he loves his brother so much because he shows him how to do things, he hugs him, he plays with him, he shares with him, etc."  So far, it has helped.  It hasn't cured me, but baby steps are better than no steps at all!
Just this week both kids were clearly very tired.  I made the monumental mistake of choosing that night to try to teach Colin to tie his shoes.  Looking back now, could I have made a worse decision?!  Nonetheless, I began to teach him over, under, bunny ears, etc.  It wasn't long before I began seeing my own character flaws before my very eyes.  He lost his patience almost immediately because he didn't get it on the first try.  The tears welled up, the temper raged, and I knew right then we should call it quits.  He didn't want to accept failure (proud of that) and I was willing to patiently work with him as long as he wanted.  Minutes later he flung the shoe and I inhaled deeply.  My normal reaction would have been to demand that we stop right then, scold him for throwing the shoe, etc.  This time was different.  I was determined to keep my cool in order to set a better example for him.  Not only that, I didn't want this learning experience to be negative.  I wanted him to feel comfortable enough that we could pick up where we left off another day.  If I lost my cool now, he'd see my frustration and he would be less likely to want to repeat the process.  It took quite a bit of restraint on my part, but I was finally able to change the subject and get his mind off of his failed attempt.  
The next day, I had a genius plan, I'd ask his 9-year old cousin to teach him!  Not to shift my motherly duties, but kids often feel less intimidated by their peers.  My niece eagerly accepted her job and was excited to play teacher.  
If I had not embarked on this journey and didn't have the "breathe" tactic in mind, I surely would have overreacted, lost my cool, and regretted every bit of it 10 minutes later.  Wes praised me for my actions and to quote him exactly, he told me I was doing an "admirable job."  At that moment, I felt a huge sense of accomplishment.  I hadn't lost the control that I so desperately seek and I had turned a rough situation into a learning experience.  I was happy with the progress I had made.  

My Happiness Project

I couldn't wait to get my hands on Gretchen Rubin's newest book, Happier at Home.  As I read the forward, I knew this book was right up my alley.  It's as if Gretchen is in my head and is perfectly communicating the thoughts and feelings in my mind - something I've never had the ability to do well.  So reading what someone else has written that corresponds to my thoughts is reassuring.  As I'm nodding in agreement throughout the book, I find myself getting frustrated with myself that I had to read someone else's work to realize what is really going on in my head.  I don't beat myself up too badly though because not everyone has the same talents.  I am not a writer, a poet, or a lecturer and I'm okay with that.
Halfway through the book, I knew I wanted to embark on my own Happiness Project.  I had previously read, "The Happiness Project" and contemplated doing one then, but I never took the time to do it.  I internalized many of her suggestions and mantras but without writing them down, I realized I kept slipping and had nothing to hold myself accountable to.  It didn't take me long in this second book to realize I had dropped the ball the first time around and I vowed to not let this second opportunity pass me by.  
Not being one to overtax my brain, I took the easy(er) way out and used her subject topics as an outline.  I figured if I was nodding in agreement with her findings and misgivings, I could probably benefit from similar tactics.  As a way to hold myself more accountable, I decided to post the Project on here and to report back periodically with my progress.  I have high expectations for myself but I refuse to expect perfection.  I know I'm human and my unhappy side will rear it's ugly head from time to time.  That will only indicate growth, not imperfection.  I want to do this not only for myself, but for my family and those around me as well.  
For those of you unfamiliar with Gretchen's books, she divides her ideals up by month.  My plan will be similar to that, starting this month!  I had hopes of posting my outline for the year but I have so many thoughts running through my head right now, I think it's best to take it one month at a time, while reflecting on the upcoming month.  I chose to start with Parenthood because that's foremost on my mind these days and I want to address it sooner, rather than later.  
My plan is to start each month with a brief overview about what I hope to accomplish that month and then to give a few month progress reports along the way.  Without further ado, here's the plan for October.

The Happiness Project
October - PARENTHOOD

• Breathe - I often act hastily when someone misbehaves, only to regret my actions 2 minutes later.  I want to allow myself a moment to walk away from the situation, take a deep breath, collect my thoughts and come back to hopefully address the situation better.  Gretchen says you can't inflict your happiness project on others, but they can learn from your actions.  Colin has been struggling with dealing with his feelings and hasn't learned the proper way to communicate those feelings.  I'm hoping by setting a better example, he will, in turn, learn how to better deal with his feelings and emotions.

• Be more playful - I have a picture in my head of what a perfect family looks like and I want that picture to become reality.  However, I feel like a cat chasing it's tail because I can't seem to achieve that lofty goal.  The truth is, every family has it's issues and we're no different.  That doesn't mean that I can't work towards what I hope for an desire.  Part of what embodies the "perfect family" in my eyes is a quiet, calm, creative aura.  I would love for the boys to play quietly and nicely together, while I cook dinner, pay bills, do projects around the house, etc.  The mothers out there are likely laughing right now and with good reason.  On the rare occurrences that my children actually are quiet and playing well together, I worry.  Has one of them suffocated the other and is trying to cover his tracks?  Have they both fallen off some piece of furniture and are laying unconscious somewhere?  Boys will be boys and I need to better embrace that.  I want to play more.  I want them to think of me as a cool mom, one who doesn't mind getting her hands dirty or breaking a sweat.  I will definitely have to learn the way boys play but I think it will bring me closer to them, which will bring me joy and happiness.

• Monthly adventures - With the return of school, our daily routine has set in.  Who am I kidding, routine is my middle name, school has nothing to do with it!  While I think children thrive in routine-oriented settings (and often require it), I want to throw in a little element of surprise.  Colin has already started saying he doesn't want to go to school.  Call me crazy but I thought I had at least a few good years before that phrase set in.  I feel like he needs some excitement in his life that allows him a chance to have something to look forward to.  The anticipation would surely transcend on his daily mood and behavior, which we would all benefit from.  My thought is to start having bi-monthly adventures with him - one with me and one with Wes.  Some of them may be out of town, some may be in our backyard.  This will not only be fun for him, but will force me out of my comfort zone as well and let me utilize some of the creative juices that often lay dormant in my head. 

• Hug and kiss - I already do both of these things but sometimes I let Colin slip out the door in the morning without a hug or kiss.  I want to stop what I'm doing, give him my full attention, and give him a meaningful hug and kiss.  He has struggled with giving and receiving affection as of late, so I'm hoping by creating a better routine, he will accept it as well.  I know my children know they are loved, but I want to that to be the last thing they remember before leaving the house and the first thing they think of when entering the house.  We will hug and/or kiss every time we leave or return to the house (and before going to bed).

What about you, are you interested in starting your own Happiness Project?  Or perhaps you already have one in place.  I'd love to hear about it!  I love getting ideas from other people that perhaps I wouldn't have thought of on my own.